I nearly gave up
by splater6
Summary: I couldn't do it anymore. Not after what happened. Not after I lost Hook.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouat. Also this is my first fanfic so please be nice to me.**

* * *

><p>He's dead. <em>BAM. <em>He's not coming back. _BAM. _Emma please let go of him. _BAM_. He's gone.

As Emma sat in the middle of the street outside of Mary Margaret's she found herself remembering Hooks murder, everything from the gun shot to her mother's pleading to let go of Hook's dead body. "_My poor Captain," _The Snow Queen had said as she held an ice spike over Hook's heart "_what you have sacrificed for your love to only have your love be the reason you die."_ Emma had watch it all from the tree she was frozen to as Hook laid bleeding in a pile of snow with his arms and legs frozen to the ground . She had tried screaming for Hook to run, to save himself but the Snow Queen had iced over her mouth. She could still feel the numbness in her lips and the aftershocks of the hypothermia that had set in rendering her mute.

_Good_ Emma thought _I deserve to be mute after what happened._ It was her fault that Hook died. If she had not decided to follow the Queen into the forest, Hook wouldn't have secretly followed her and never would have fallen into the Queen's trap. What made her feel worse was remembering how her dad showed up and held the Queen at gunpoint trying to save Hook. The Ice queen had simply hit David with the ice spike throwing him off balance and putting a bullet through her pirate's head. He was currently in therapy with Dr. Hopper talking about the incident. For the past two week David has been having nightmares and refusing to sleep, just like Emma. She was supposed to have speech therapy with Dr. Hopper next but after ten minutes she ran out of the office and ended up sobbing outside of the apartment half buried under the falling snow. All she could do was think of a previous conversation she had with Hook. _One thing I'm good at is surviving_ he had said smiling. A smile she would never see again. A new wave of pain hit and she threw herself down over and over again, beating her head on the asphalt.

Once she was thoroughly dizzy and bleeding from multiple places after her tantrum, Emma got up and started towards the docks. She knew the others would be looking for her and decided she didn't want to be found anymore. She wanted to be with Hook and she had just figured out how. _I'm coming Hook _she thought as she walked up the length of the boardwalk. She looked down at the water and blinked in astonishment. She saw Hook in full form on the surface of the water. Hook looked angry and seemed to be yelling at her. _He must be angry I got him killed_ she thought sadly, _I'll make it right._ She stepped through the metal bars that separated the boardwalk from the water and leaned forward, still holding on the rail, until she was almost face to face with Hook. There was a look of panic in his eyes and he kept shaking his head no as she came closer and closer to the water.

_Of course you moron _she realized _even in death he is still trying to save you. Well _she mused _he can't stop me now. _She was now only holding on to the safety bar by her fingertips when she heard her son from behind her. "Mom," Henry said tentatively "mom it's me. Henry. Please step away from the water mom." _Drat_ Emma thought _the kid is going to get me caught._ She turned her head and saw that Henry was holding onto the safety rail a few feet to her left. He was in a black coat and jeans and was shaking as he tried to reason with her. "Mom I'm not going to yell for help I just want you to listen," Henry said. Henry saw as Emma relaxed slightly and took that as his cue to keep talking. "Mom I know this is hard. It's hard on everyone. You can't speak, Grandpa keeps having panic attacks, even Neal keeps screeching as if he knows something happened, but you can't just give up." Henry took another step towards her and Emma hastily backed up a few steps making him stop dead in his tracks. "I know you think it's your fault but Hook knew what was at stake. He followed you knowing full well he might be dying for you and to be honest, I think the only way he wanted to die was to save you."

_Please let me do this kid_ Emma begged silently _I can make this right if you just let me let go._ Henry saw her unmoving resolve and said," Remember when dad died? Everybody told me not to be too sad because he had died loved and a hero. Isn't that what Hook always wanted? He died being loved by you and no longer a villain. Don't take that sacrifice away, because if you jump he would have died for nothing."

Silent tears tracked down her face as she stared at Hook in the water. With a sad smile, Hook turned away and vanished. Emma stepped back to the rail.


End file.
